Back when I was a college undergrad, I was at one point associated with the Knighthood of Buh, pretty much a group of weird people who got together for the express purpose of doing weird things. (Now that I'm a grad student at Carnegie Mellon, I've discovered the KGB over here.) In any case, at one point I wrote the following conspiratorial rambling for inclusion in a future issue of the Knighthood's humor magazine, which got put on indefinite hiatus before I got published.
The Knighthood of Buh is actually the elite guerilla shock troops of the Kingdom of Buh. While some ignorant people think that their presence in the United States is the first wave of an invasion, their actual role is as overseers for the collaborationist government that has ruled the occupied nation for over two hundred years. Sensing the weakness of the early United States under the Articles of Confederation, the members of the Knighthood, most of which are still alive today, managed to convince the people that a new government was needed, and a Constitutional Convention was called. However, the fiendish agents of the Illuminati were there ahead of the Knighthood, and had to be swiftly murdered and replaced with doppelgangers. After seizing control of the convention, the Knights drafted a document that appeared to define a strong elected federal government, while actually placing all power in the hands of an elite cadre of counterintelligence Knights that ruled with an iron fist from behind the scenes. This was accomplished by the clever language in Article 22 that prevented anyone without proper security clearance from even knowing about the existence of Articles 23 to 42, much less realizing that they were written backwards in ancient Assyrian with invisible ink, and encrypted three times with advanced technology that would not exist for over two centuries. Since that day, every single action of the US government (with the sole exception of anything Edgar J. Hoover did while wearing a pink feather boa) has been cleverly orchestrated by the leaders of Buh. Horrible disasters like the Civil War, the Great Depression, the Cold War, and Top 40 radio were all visited upon the people of this nation to keep them weak and docile. However, in recent times, the efforts of the Knights Templar to destabilize the US economy by printing counterfeit currency in secret bases hidden in abandoned Lousiana salt mines have forced us to tip our hand. We decided that by telling the truth to everyone and being completely honest we would so disarm our enemy that any who later tried to point out that such an impossible-seeming theory was cold reality would only be laughed at as rabid maniacs. Of course, some of you may be wondering just what the Kingdom of Buh's actual agenda is, and why doesn't it appear on any map? The truth is simply that Buh is so in control of everything you see and hear that we have altered every map in the world to leave no trace of our homeland, thereby rendering us immune to attack, because even those who actually believe we exist can never find us. And, if that's not true, then why isn't Buh on any map, eh?
© Andrés Santiago Pérez-Bergquist, All rights reserved. The reproduction of this work, by any means electronic, physical, or otherwise, in whole or in part, except for the purposes of review or criticism, without the express written consent of the author, is strictly prohibited. All references to copyrighted and/or trademarked names and ideas held by other individuals and/or corporations should not be considered a challenge to said copyrights and trademarks.
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